It’s allowed me to honor myself and who I’m dating, a way of saying, “I care about myself enough to be here with you fully.
I want my best self to shine through, and I want to let you see that.” If the man meets me there, wonderful! What matters is that It’s far less about the person I’m dating, and far more about how I’m connected to my own sense of integrity, trust, and worth.
Yet I was showing up on dates already having drunk two glasses of wine only to drink two more. Upon closer inspection, these behaviors were perpetuating old fears of not being enough and an old belief that I could not be seen or held if I were authentic.
I continue to pursue my path and make conscious space for the right man to enter when the time is right.
When it comes to dating, mindfulness is a heart-based stance focused on letting the experience come and go, and not getting too attached to any specific moment, feeling, or outcome.
In the frenetic pursuit of romantic partnership, I found myself swiping away on dating apps, responding to unavailable men, creating a false sense of attachment by having sex too soon, and drinking myself into oblivion on one too many first dates.
I’m an attractive and insightful clinical psychologist in my early thirties. Years of online dating yielded a cacophony of initial hopes; one-night stands that were sometimes fun, sometimes gross; encounters with men who asked questions not wanting to know the answers; and an ever-growing fear that I’d end up alone forever.
I was reclaiming a sense of my own femininity and independence in my sexual prowl, and unabashedly dating multiple men with excitement, wonder, and sensuality.
I had a new identity: single thirty-something woman in San Francisco.
Another perk has been I’ve been able to more easily and rapidly let go of those not right for me.
It’s been a fluid, dynamic, and spirit-filled journey of falling in love with who I am in the depths of my core.
It wasn’t until I started to realize that my behavior was actually becoming increasingly disparate from my purported values and intentions that I unearthed a truth; I was still shut down from intimacy.
I said I wanted a long-term romantic partner, someone who I could expose my raw self to, someone who could understand and be with me in authentic vulnerability.
He has been a Las Vegas Headliner with Caesars Entertainment for 5 years, having performed 1000 shows at The LINQ, The Flamingo, and now The Paris Hotel & Casino.Tags: Adult Dating, affair dating, sex dating