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When I have pretended to be cool with diet-dating where feelings hover in the air but are never fully committed to, I have ended up heartbroken and alone.(I know, so dramatic.)If you're messaging a cutie on the apps and they ask you, "What are you looking for?I don't know if it's because I listened to "Independent Women, Pt. Are you not entirely sure yet, but you want to take things slowly? " to mean one of two things: either this match is about to tell me he's exclusively looking to get balls-deep, nothing more, OR that he is looking to get figuratively balls-deep into a full-feelings relationship.
You'll usually be able to tell early on if someone is just looking for a nice old hookup.
"If all your conversations are related to hooking up or sexual exploits," you are probably just going to be hooking up, Golden says.
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If it's at all unclear though, be honest and reply, "I'm looking for something super casual right now," or "I'm looking to have fun." Both are nice, ambiguous ways to say "I am DTF" (or at least DTDFMO... Again, I want to restate Golden's advice and remind you that it's OK not to know how to answer this question.
If you have a particular idea of what you want in mind, then be clear about it. I'm in the middle of a 51-date experiment for a podcast at the moment, and every time I go on a date I wonder, "Should I tell him about this experiment?
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" you can be honest about your desire to find a real relationship, without scaring anyone away. " Instead, you can say, "I'd like to find a relationship with the right person." Or, "I'm looking for someone to go on dates with." You can also say, "I'm looking for something real." (A little cryptic, but I dig.)Here's the good news: a lot of people want sex, and sex only. That said, there are other people out there who want to take you out to dinner because they'd like to get married someday, so it's important to be honest about your wants and needs.
Stringing someone along on half-romantic dates just for the sex that happens at the end of them is not a great look.
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